Your guide to pissing off Target employees

One thing that I absolutely love about my friends is their spontaneous attitude about life.

Three of us have a tradition of hanging out every Friday night. Unfortunately the third member of our “magic trio” bailed so we ended up becoming the “dynamic duo.” Either way, we followed through on our plan of going into town and having a night out.

We started out the night in a pretty dull way. Shopping for ski helmets. But as the night progressed so did the entertainment. While at the athletic store, I explained to him the magic of yoga pants. They are so soft and fit your curves really well. The poor guy just stood there looking a little lost. Although I tease him about being my gay best friend, he is in fact, completely strait.

By the end of the night, we were running around causing havoc wherever we went. While at wal-mart we somehow managed to attract the attention of nearby employees as we played with the hula hoops and tested out the sofas.

Before we headed back home, we had one last idea in the car. My friend has decided to start his own comedy YouTube channel (I will share the link in later blogs) His idea was to go around in public performing random stunts and pranks. So, I suggested that we stop by a nearby Target to take our prank ideas for a test drive. This turned out to be one of the better suggestions of the evening.

We learned that Target employees don’t have a sense of humor. Or, many of them didn’t understand that the things we asked for did not exist. When I was finally able to track down a sales associate, I asked him in a very serious tone of voice if they had “wireless extension cords” in stock. He look at me, a bit baffled, before looking on his phone at their inventory. I think he missed the idea that you cannot plug electric cords into thin air….. I almost felt bad for the guy, knowing that he would likely inquire about the producer later to his manager.

The next lady we asked  nearly started yelling at my poor friend when he gathered enough courage to ask for “heated toilet paper” in a serous tone. “ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME???” she said quickly began to get annoyed before quietly cursing us out.  I had to hide behind a nearby isle in order to keep her from seeing my muffled and uncontrollable laughter. I picked up a bottle of lotion and began to study it intently.   Her anger was almost comical, as mean as that may sound, simply because it was so sudden.. like she had been holding it in for just this moment.

Lastly, I asked the guy at the customer service desk for an “inverse printer… one that takes words off a printed page.” He looked at me and acted much like the first guy. He looked at me confused before I quickly added “It was on my college supply list for the spring semester.” I have to give him a few awesome points for how well he handled the situation from a customer service standpoint. He offered to help me track one down online, but I made an excuse about having to meet someone soon.

At this point my friend pretty much dragged me out the door and back to the car. I may have embarrassed him a little too much… Oh well….  He somehow manages to put up with me while still enjoying himself joining in shenanigans. Either way,  he’s simply awesome and the night turned out to be pretty decent.

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