mosquitoes and mayhem

Fun Fact: I have never been camping.

Despite the fact I have lived  in the heart of the Rocky Mountains for 18 years and have a deep love for the outdoors, I have never been camping. Or, at lest until now….

Our little camping trip originally started as a week long group trip to Lake Powell but eventually after several road blocks we had a change of plans. It made me sad at the time to consider all of our planning we had done over the course of a month was irrelevant. But after reflecting upon the events of the last couple days, I know realize the verse had something else in mind for me.

It didn’t quite hit me until we were out in the middle of freaking nowhere without cell service how much I actually trust my boyfriend. Since our other friend decided to bail on the trip, it turned out to just be the two of us. As we drove mile after mile into the wilderness it occurred to me just how easy it would be to kill someone out here and dispose of the body without a trace. (What a romantic thought to be having while alone with your boyfriend… I know) Still, the thought of being outside the reach of reality and responsibility with such an awesome person for a few days was a awesome thought.

We reached our destination and started to set up camp in a little field on the edge of an aspen grove. We started to set up the tent.  I attempted to help, but felt like I was performing an SNL comedy skit. Not only was my clumsy disposition getting in the way but I had never actually set one up before. It probably looked like I was attempting to build a space ship for NASA according to the look of pure concentration on my face.

As sunset neared, so did the misquotes. They were literally everywhere. As we made smores for dessert we decided to try putting peanut butter on the gram crackers. Which is amazing and delicious for the record. But it turns out they are also attracted to peanut butter. I was already pretty frustrated at that point so my rage accidentally let itself out as I yelled “STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY PEANUT BUTTER!” The look on my boyfriend’s face was priceless because he assumed I was talking to him at first. oops. I have a feeling that this is the start of a long term inside joke.

Strangely enough, the award for most awkward moment of the night goes to the moment when we realized we had been set up. It was your classic situation. Unknown to my boyfriend, one of his friends had snuck a condom and a pack of beer into our camping supplies. Luckily we had a good laugh about it and I have a pretty solid plan to mess with his friend next time I see him.

I have decided that the point of camping isn’t to relax and enjoy nature. It is to go for an adventure, open yourself up to new experiences with friends, and see what kind of mischief you manage to get yourself into. Well, maybe all that plus enjoying the night sky. For the record: those stars were amazing.

the hickey incident

Today  I was invited by one of my good friends go eat breakfast with her and her family. It seemed like a perfectly normal Saturday Morning until we sat down to eat.

My friend’s mother happens to be a successful, strong minded, honest, and a loving parent. Still, she has a very unique quality that promises your life will never be dull in her presence. To this day, I have never been disappointed by the quality of conversation.

There are two (or really three) stories that prove this to be especially true. For the sanity of my friend, I will leave the third out. All these stories have one thing in common. They all take place in the restaurant which my friend’s family happens to own.

For a couple months over the summer I had a bit of a scandalous romance. After visiting a hang out locals refer to as “the beach,” my friends  and I went to go grab a bite to eat at her restaurant.  Upon arriving, the first thing out of her mothers mouth is about meeting my friend’s new body guard. Shortly after that, a large college student who was probably around six foot five inches walks up to us. He was quiet and definitely not the kind of person you wanted to piss off. Her mother then sat down with us at lunch and decided to have a very loud and very passionate conversation about random  terms I haven’t even heard of. Although I am used to the randomness that occurs in the lives of my close friends and I, I forgot that my  man lover may not be accustomed to such unique conversation. The look on his face turned from happy complacency into horrified confusion about what me might be getting himself into by associating with me.

Before parting ways that day, he whipped out a guitar and started to serenade me right there, in my friends driveway. Up until that point, it was possibly the most romantic and honestly awkward moment of my life. To make it more awkward for me, he didn’t stop with the romance after playing. He then proceeded to kiss me on the lips, right there and then. He did not even give me the chance to lean in. He just went for it all the way. You have no idea the shock which came over me. My friend hasn’t stopped giving me an extremely hard time about that ever since, and is likely never going to stop. She was just standing there… watching all this take place.

Last night, I was up late talking with my friend and her brother about our individual love lives. After being thoroughly questioned about my recent lack of activity in this subject, my friend’s brother went on to suggest that there was a very cute guy that worked at their restaurant. According to her brother he, was a ” bad ass, so he would be just my type.” He also proceeded to tease me about my summer fling. If you can’t tell, my love life can be a bit of a popular roller coaster. Unfortunately this guy had a serious girl friend, as we were about to find out the next day.

So, back to the 2nd story. As we were ordering food, my friend pointed out a waiter to me. In fact, this was the very same waiter which her brother had wanted me to get together with. I turned slightly pink as my friend’s mother ( and owner of the restaurant)  called him over. On the side of his neck was a giant purple hickey. Turns out I wasn’t the only person to spot it. My friends mother, upon seeing the hickey, had a burst of  laughter before she started to drill him about his recent relationships. He admitted that he was dating the girl who had originally came to serve us juice. It has quickly became apparent who had given him the hickey.  What happened next was a scene out of your favorite comedy show.

I felt so bad for the poor fellow who was standing before us at that very moment.  Before any one else knew it, my friend’s mother had also called his girlfriend over and not-so- politely informed them that it was against company policy to date co-workers. Therefore, she was starting to decide which one she would fire upon their break up.  Both their faces seemed to drain of color upon hearing those words

.He came up with a lame attempt to pass off the hickey as a scruple marker stain. She then proceeded to try and convince him that she would have to give the guy a make over in order to hide that hickey with a little concealer.  The teasing was endless. No matter how much I wanted to look away at the train wreck happening right before my eyes,  it was just too funny. What she did was not uncalled for, but it was certainly mean. Before you knew it, people from other tables were going quiet in order to listen to the show. The rising laughter in the room was accompanied by an increase of volume in the conversation at my table. Soon, the whole conversation was being broadcast to the entire restaurant.

Although I may be single as a Pringle at the moment, I luckily get to enjoy the relationship drama of others while reflecting on my own past situations.